Fallout
by safsren
Summary: SPOILER ALERT FOR SOLAS ROMANCE with that said. Solas has left her, she is left to pick up what remains and in her depression, makes a hasty decision. Now Solas has been given a second chance with her but first he needs to recover what she has lost.
1. Hasty decisions

The wind howling through the empty streets of Skyhold woke her. She rolled over in her bed, it creaked with her movement and looked at the sputtering candle. She had again fallen asleep during her work. She had been reading reports sent by Leliana. She sat up and glanced at the topmost one and she saw his name. The meaningless scribbles around it that she on some level of her consciousness knew were important, just blurred out. She could only see his name, then she saw his face, heard his voice, smelled his skin, felt his touch, tasted his lips. Like honeysuckle on the first day of Spring.

The candle winked out and she was left in the dark. The report was in her hands but she no longer saw it, she was lost in her memories. She remembered speaking to him of things he had learned in the Fade, he whispered to her of memories he had uncovered and spirits he had befriended. He spoke of battles he watched unfold while he sat in the crumbling stones of the ruins.

She heard a shout and a scuffle echo from the common room of the tavern downstairs. She had stopped returning to the keep. She looked out her window to see the keep silhouetted in the moonlight. She could go to some places in the keep, the war room, the garden.

She refused to go into the room of murals though, his presence engulfed that place. Sometimes she felt she could almost see him again. Lounging on the couch, a book in his lap or carefully tracing his paintings across the walls.

She avoided her quarters whenever was possible, his presence lingered there as well. She traced her lips as she remembered when he had brought her there. He had simply wanted to see if she was the way she was because of the Anchor or because of the Dalish. He was there though, so real and so close. He remembered when he kissed her in the Fade. He said so. Tears fell as she remembered him turning away but she felt the ghost of a smile when she remembered how he held her as he kissed her passionately. "Ar lath, ma vhenan" he had whispered before he walked out.

"I love you, my heart" she whispered in a broken voice as tears fell. "But where are you now? Do you still love me?" She buried her head in her hands.

She heard someone from the street yell with delight. Lovers reunited from the evacuation of the village in Crestwall from what she could gather before she again saw him in her minds eye. He had taken her to Crestwood, to a glade where the Veil was so thin she felt it tingling on her skin. "You have become important to me, more important than I could have imagined…" She felt her face, where the vallaslin had once been and heard him whisper that she was so beautiful and felt his lips pressed to hers in a tender kiss.

He pulled away, so far away.

"Solas..."

"Please, Vhenan."

"Solas… Don't leave me. Not now. I love you."

Her tears fell faster when she heard him whisper his apology. She heard a scream as she saw him walk away and it took her a few minutes to realize it was her. She had lost herself that night because it had walked away. She collapsed to the ground shaking in her grief and screaming out her denial.

Her door burst open but she couldn't bear to lift her head to see which of her friends had come to check on her, the only one she wanted, the one she needed was gone.

"Shy…" she heard the person say

"Varric." She whispered, remembering the name connected with that voice.

"Yea, hun." He picked his way over the strewn bottles of beer and ale. His friend had fallen so far from the Inquisitor she had been. Her once vibrant red hair set in elaborate curls hung lank and neglected around her haunted face. Her robes barely held onto her emaciated frame. Her fiery golden eyes had lost their luster and dulled to a muddy brown. He placed his hand on her shoulder and could easily trace the pattern the bone made on her skin. "Hun, you have to eat something. It's been two weeks since I've see you eat anything." He said.

"I'm not hungry, Varric. Thank you for thinking of me." He saw a hint of his old Shiloh but he knew it was an act.

"I wasn't asking." He said simply.

Shiloh turned away willing her tears to dry. "Varric, what is wrong with me?"

"For starters, you're starving yourself and that's never a good sign." Varric said trying to elicit a smile.

She simply glared at him, or tried to but she couldn't manage it.

"Hun, have you been…" He didn't finish the sentence as she shook her head.

"No." She pulled her sleeves up to prove to him that there were no fresh cuts. "I just remembered."

He looked down at the report and recognized it as one of Leliana's reports on Solas.

"Damn it, I'm going to kill that guard." He growled. He grabbed the report and put it in his jacket before turning back to his friend. "Shy…" his sentence trailed off, he really had no clue what he could say that could even begin to help. "I'm going to find the kid." he said and left the room.

Shiloh felt the darkness close in around her, she didn't have the strength to light any of the candles and she found she wouldn't want to even if she could. Tears leaked from her eyes again and she rolled over and curled in on herself. Sobs wracked her body as she tried to forget him. Forgetting was just as painful as remembering and twice as difficult.

She heard the door open but she didn't even roll over. She recognized Leliana's perfume as soon as she walked in.

"Varric told me you were…" Leliana felt her words fade away as well.

"One of the reports your runner gave me…"

"Maker...you weren't supposed to get that one. I specifically told him to give that one to Cullen." Leliana said, and scratched the back of her head. "That does explain why Varric was so angry." Leliana said with a laugh but the sound rang out hollow and shrill and she stifled it quickly.

Shiloh didn't move, she didn't even react.

"Was it something I did? Something I didn't do?" Shiloh asked in a broken voice.

"No! you did nothing but give him everything. It was all him. That bastard is the one who left." Leliana said in certainty.

Shiloh was shaking her head long before Leliana finished the sentence. "If I had done something, said something. If I had tried a little harder maybe he'd still be here." She whispered tears fell on the already soaked mattress.

Leliana moved over the refuse in the room and she pulled her friend up so she was sitting and looked straight into her eyes, shimmering with tears in the starlight that leaked through the window.

"You are not responsible to what happened. Solas is the one who left you. He alone knows the reason that he left. It was not your fault. Are you listening to me, Shy? It. Was. Not. Your. Fault." Leliana said the last four words one at a time.

Shiloh didn't even look into Leliana's eyes, she stared at the floor.

"Look at me, Shy, look into my eyes." Leliana shook Shiloh's shoulder gently.

Shiloh forced herself to obey her command. She traveled her eyes from the trash on the floor to Leliana's boot and followed that up her legs and eventually looked at her eyes. They were grey, the same color that Solas had and she felt tears fall from her eyes again but managed to hold Leliana's gaze.

"Now repeat after me: It was not my fault." Leliana said.

"But it was." Shiloh whispered as her gaze fell to the floor again.

Leliana released her shoulders with a frustrated sigh and she pinched the bridge of her nose. "Maker, how will I get her to understand?" Leliana whispered.

The door opened again and Varric walked in with Cole.

"Kid, can you please do something to get our Inquisitor back?"

Cole looked at Varric and said "Yes."

Cole looked at Shiloh sitting on the bed.

"Bare faced and embarrassed. I don't understand. What did I do? It should have worked."

Leliana turned to face Cole. "What do you mean, Cole?" but Cole kept his gaze on Shiloh.

"Broken inside. Too many pieces to put back together. The wound raw and red, the pain is deeper than they know. They care but they can't understand. How could they? Varric trying to get me to laugh. Leliana trying to convince me it wasn't my fault. Cullen trying to distract me by keeping me busy. The rest have given up on me. He didn't even say goodbye. It should have worked. He took me there, it was so pretty like a glade that I found when I was young and my magic was blossoming. He held my hand, called me important. More important than I could have imagined. Where is that importance now? He kissed me, called me beautiful but then he turned away. Why? Solas, I love you. It was supposed to work. It should have worked."

Shiloh buried her face in her hands again trying in vain to hide the tears that seem to constantly leak from her eyes.

"Cole, is there something you can do for her?" Leliana asked.

"Yes." He said simply.

"Why don't you do it?" She asked.

"I need her permission." Cole stated.

"Wait, what can you do for her?"

"I can make her forget."

"Wait. You can make her forget she ever met him?"

"Yes."

"Do it." Varric said from the corner of the room.

"We should discuss this, Varric, how can we just let her lose a part of her life? You know as well as I how close they were. Will we really be doing her a favor stealing that from her?" Leliana said

"Sister, what good is she to anyone right now? It's been six months and all we've seen is her sink further into depression."

"What good are we if we just let this happen? She needs to heal, she needs to-"

"She needs to be the leader that your Inquisition needs." Varric interrupted.

"Varric, aren't you the one that says we need to deal with things as humans would?"

"Yes, when it helps but right now it's helping. We've tried everything and anything since that bastard left and nothing has worked."

"He isn't a bastard." Shiloh whispered. "He isn't a bastard." She repeated.

"If that doesn't convince you, Sister, just look around. You see the empty bottles all over the floor, you see the blood stained knife on her table. How can you continue to believe she'll get better. All she had to do was see his name written in your report and she was screaming and crying. If we don't do something now, we might just find her corpse hanging from one of these rafters or her blood spreading from lethal cuts on her wrists. Is that what you want?"

"The Maker teaches-"

"She doesn't believe in your Maker and she certainly won't follow his teachings. You sleep up in the keep that she won't even set foot in simply because of her memories of him there. You don't hear her scream every night. You don't come running in here to calm her and ease away her nightmares and they all involve him leaving."

"Varric...I - What if he returns? What if he-"

"After six months you still think he's going to come back? Even if he does I'm damn sure that between Cullen and I that bastard won't make it to the gates."

Leliana sighed. "Do what you want Varric but I still think you are making a grave mistake." She turned and walked out of the room.

"Cole, make her forget. Please." Varric said as he turned to Cole.

Cole nodded and stepped forward.

"Shiloh, you have helped me. I can help you too. I can make you forget." Cole said.

Shiloh didn't even lift her head. She was quiet at first then solemnly she nodded a few more tears travelled down her cheek.

Cole touched her forehead. "Forget." He commanded.

A/N Gosh it nearly killed me to do this to her. I tried to keep Leliana, Varric and Cole in character but sometimes I don't quite hit the nail on the mark. I hope I at least succeeded in keeping Cole in character.

By the way, bit of advice: don't use Youtube for a playlist when writing a story. Those damn ads will really spoil the mood. One minute it's "I know I can love you much better than this" then next minute it's an ad for hoodies or some shit like that and then I have to skip to the song and get myself recentered on the sad theme of the story.


	2. Fenara

**A/N I know I said this was a one-shot but thanks to the lovely Lillian52323 she begged me to add more and was even kind enough to give me few ideas. So I'm going to take this and run with it and see where this will take me!**

He didn't let himself slip into the Fade as much as he used to. It was as if everything and everyone sought to punish him for his weakness. His mistake. Sleep pulled at the edges of his consciousness and he knew that he wouldn't be able to avoid it much longer.

He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, his shoulders aching. He wondered if she dreamt of him as often he did of her. Was it possible that the spirit he walked away from was hers?

Walking away was always difficult, he relived that night in his mind over and over again wondering if he could have found someway to remain by her side as he had meant to do. He never saw a way, he did not know how to tell the truth of himself and his mission to her without her thinking him insane. She had shown a wisdom he had long thought lost but when it came to him, he doubted if she used wisdom. He was dangerous and having her close would put her also in danger.

He found himself on the hill that held the statue of Mafareth the Betrayer and he thought of the irony. He had betrayed the one he loved the most just as Mafareth did but there was no forgiveness for him and no excuse for his crime. Mafareth had been jealous of the bond between his bride, Andraste and the Maker. Jealousy was an understandable excuse but he had not left her because of jealousy. He left because of fear.

He was able to forget when he was with her, holding her close had allowed him a chance to see what it was like to live as a mortal life. The more time he spent with her the easier it came for him to imagine the life they could have had.

Solas set his stuff down and rested at the base of the statue, subconsciously enacting his wards he let his mind wander to the Fade. He saw her standing in a grassy meadow in a long white dress, a young elven lass running ahead her red curls bouncing around her shoulders, glistening in the bright sun. Her cool grey eyes sparked in wonder as she played with the butterflies. Her bright yellow dress twirled with her every playful movement.

Shiloh turned to him and her face split into a wide, welcoming grin. He felt himself move towards her embrace and felt her lips on his temple. A he wrapped his arms around her waist the dream changed. He saw her, crying in the glade. Grief, anguish, sorrow he felt her emotions as if they were her own. Her delicate fists beat the ground as tears watered the ground. He reached out for her shoulder, hoping somehow to make this better but his hand moved through her.

A cool breeze whispered through the glade and she wrapped her arms around herself. Solas got up to leave, wishing only to return to the real world. "Why Solas?" She whispered. He willed himself to take another step forward. "Why did you leave?" Her voice breaking on the last word. He stopped, unable to make his feet move on. He looked down and demons held him fast, forcing him to listen to her every sob. "It should have worked. I told you I love you and you were supposed to say it back. You were supposed to stay. This isn't what was supposed to happen."

Tears came unbidden to his eyes as he watched the scene transform and he saw the scene had he stayed, if he had only tried to make her understand.

She would have accepted him, even laughed at the thought that he was the Dread Wolf not in disbelief but because of the jokes he saw twinkling in her eyes. He held her in a tender embrace and he kissed her. They sat down and he told her of his mission to free the Creators and return the elves to the wonder and status that they had not known since Arlathan. She had agreed to help, happy to think that their people could leave their state of poverty and enslavement.

She cracked a joke and Solas smiled "Dread wolf take you." He said in response.

She sat up and moved closer. She leaned in so he could hear her whisper "I'm sure you intend to, ma vhenan." She kissed him then.

Solas had to drop his gaze from the phantom pair, seeing what could have happened was worse than seeing what had happened.

"Ma vhenan, this is what you deserved." Solas looked to the sky as clouds began to gather. "If there is any way, please let me remake this and change my mistake." He didn't know who he was addressing he just knew he couldn't stay there to see the happiness he threw away out of stubbornness and pride.

"It is too late to go back, Dread Wolf." a voice said and Solas turned to see the child looking at him. "You have made a grave mistake and it has cost the one you love the most dearly."

A girl of no more than five years she appeared yet she spoke as if she were at least three or four times that.

"Fenara -" The name came to his lips even as he had to work around the lump in his throat. "What is it you mean?" He feared the answer.

A figment of Shiloh appeared next to Fenara, this was not the Shiloh from previous. She was emaciated and haunted, not even a shadow of who she had been.

"Forget" Fenara said in Coles voice and touched her forehead.

The same scene swam before his eyes then yet it was different. Shiloh was standing there in the field but the child instead had light brown eyes and Cullen chased her through the flowers.

Solas fell to his knees and looked to Fenara. "Shy…Is she happy? with him?"

The child looked into his eyes sadly. "She will be but because she feels she must. She feels a part of her missing but cannot put her finger on it and so she ignores it. Only at night while she lays beside her lover does she feel what isn't there. She will continue to wonder even as she says her vows to her human husband. She will forget about the Dalish and not remember why she avoids them. She will leave the old ways behind and not remember why they burn her so."

"If I give you one last chance, will you take it?"

"Will she be happier with me?" Solas asked attempted to get to his feet but found he could not when he watched Shiloh and Cullen exchange a playful kiss.

"That, Dread Wolf, is up to you."

Fenara reached her hand out and placed it on his chest. A flash of white light then nothing.

Solas opened his eyes beneath the statue and he attempted to calm his breathing. He buried his face in his hands and felt a burning on his chest. He looked under his shirt to see a mark branded into his chest, the symbol of Mythal.

The sounds of laughter reached his ears. He moved to the edge of the hill and saw a tribe of Dalish moving below him, headed in the direction of Hafter's Woods. He meant to ignore them but a sudden flash caught his eye and there she was. She was helping to guide the Halla safely over the rocky terrain.

"Ma ta, could it really be so easy?" He whispered to himself. He felt himself aching for her touch and before his head could stop him he moved down the slope and stalked slowly behind the crowd of elves, wanting to catch her alone.

She laughed at some joke one of the hunters told her and pushed him away playfully. He felt a tease of anger, the wolf within upset at the intrusion of what he considered his territory.

As they neared the old fortress that he had cleared out of bandits a couple of years before remained empty and so the Dalish set their camp.

He waited, watched. Speaking to her alone was the safer road.

It was several hours and Solas had given up on her leaving the clan even for a brief moment. He seized a chance when none were looking and slipped into the aravel he had heard her claim as hers. He did not know as much of the Dalish as he ought but he knew that she did not share her aravel.

He felt a surge of panic when he realized where he was, what he was doing and more who he had come to see. He feared what she would do. Would she throw him out? Kill him right there? or simply beat him then leave him to the wild life? no option sounded pleasing but e knew she would be well within her rights to do so, what he saw in the Fade still haunted him.

Before he could change his mind two of the hunters set up their aravel near to hers and he could no longer leave without attracting their attention. He stayed to the side of the entrance, the light of the fire flickered between the curtain that served as a door and the leather walls of the aravel. He looked around at the few things she had placed out. Her robes of course she would not see the need to wear them within the safety of her clan, her staff was propped against the wall next to them. There was a simple cot with fur blankets to ward off the seasons chill and a desk with a candle and a few scrolls of parchment scattered across it. He stepped closer and lit the candle with veil fire and saw that they were reports from Skyhold. He didn't read into them deeply but he gleaned that they had closed the last of the fade rifts. Another was a letter from her Keeper that her clan was coming down to Fereldan. Yet another was merely a duty roster for the guards and patrols around Skyhold and the immediate area. The last one said that the reconstruction of Haven was well underway and that they would appreciate an appearance from the Inquisitor at her convenience.

"I'd be happy to come help, just let me get ready." Solas heard come in and immediately recognized her voice he looked for anyway out but as one did not present itself he was forced to remain where he was and pray to whoever was listening that she would give him a chance to explain.

The curtain was pulled aside and she stopped and looked at him.

"How did you get in here?" She asked, tone incredulous and suspicious

He silently thanked whoever was listening that her shock had caught her before her anger.

"Shy, I need to-" Solas moved closer to her, arms out stretched

Shiloh took one step back "Stop. Who are you? How do you know my name?"

A/N Yes, my elvish sucks but as I don't know it and not even the elves really know all their language I just tried to go for words that sounded elvish and in my head cannon "Fenara" means daughter of the wolf and for those that missed it, yes she's supposed to be his daughter and no, they didn't sleep together at the balcony kiss during the game (though that scene was so sweet I went back to watch it several times...or more...) The idea is in the A/U part of the glade scene that's when she is conceived. You can get as smutty as you want with that scene I (hope I) left it open enough for those sexy imaginations out there. Nothing against smut I'm just no good at writing it :P you PM me a good one and I might stick it in as a separate chapter later on...depends on if I like it and if I can make it fit I will of course give credit where credit is due! :)


	3. Skyhold

Solas stopped and looked her, there was no recognition flaring behind her unusual orange eyes. "Shiloh…" He started but lost his sentence. He had no clue what to say to the woman he loved if she didn't know who he was.

"That is my name but you still haven't said how you know it. You aren't a member of the clan." Her annoyance was growing behind her voice.

"My name is Solas and I used to travel with you." Solas answered.

"If that is true, why don't I remember you at all?" She asked.

"I do not know. I first met you after the Conclave and our paths were forced apart after Corypheus fell."

"I don't know that I believe you but few outside of the Inquisition know that name so there must be at least some kernel of truth in what you say. You will share your story with me but when there are fewer ears around. My clan does not wish to hear it again. For now, tell me if our paths were forced apart, why are you back?"

Solas faltered, he did not know how to answer her. He couldn't very well tell her that he was in love with her, that was the truth but it wasn't fair to put that on her when she didn't know him. He couldn't tell her about his dream because that was even more complicated and took way more explaining than he felt he could give.

"Da'len, are you coming or not?" Someone called from outside the tent.

Shiloh started. "I forgot. I have to go." She said as she grabbed her staff from the side of her bed. "Find yourself a place to sleep, we will talk when I return." Shiloh said as she left the aravel.

Solas sighed and walked out after Shiloh. She had obviously spoken to someone because one of the hunters greeted him and showed him to an empty aravel. It was bare but serviceable. There was a cot with warm furs and a table with a chair and a lamp that he lit with his veil fire.

He sat down on the side of the cot and rubbed his eyes with his fingers. He should have known. If it was so easy then whatever spirit had spoken to him would not have made it seem as urgent. He theorized how she could have lost her memory of him and he found he was too upset to think of much. He would return to Skyhold with her when the time came. Leliana would know not only how but would know why it happened.

He let his mind drift into the Fade and was surprised to be greeted by Fenara.

"You neglected to tell me that her memories were gone." Solas accused in a tired voice.

"I told you, even if you did not see it. If I had explicitly stated it, you would not have believed me." She said simply.

"How am I supposed to be with her again if she doesn't even remember who I am?" Solas asked.

"You made her fall in love with you once before, it shouldn't be any more difficult than it was last time." Fenara said slyly

"Last time we had a lot of time to spend together and a common goal to work towards that helped draw us closer. I cannot know that she'll still want to be with me." Solas said in a frustrated voice.

"You can and you will. You remember the alternative. Cullen will always be good for her but you make her question and see things from another perspective. You are either the best thing for her or the worst thing for her." Fenara fixed him with a steely glare.

"How do I know which one I will be?" Solas asked exhausted.

"That, Dread Wolf, is for you to decide." She said before disappearing back into the Fade.

Solas opened his eyes to find himself back in the aravel. He sighed as he rubbed his eyes and ran his hand over his bald head. He heard the sounds of the Dalish children at play and for one wild moment wondered if Fenara was cloaking herself among them, watching him to see if he was sincere but then remembered that he was not in the Fade and a spirit could not just manifest itself across the Veil without a body to inhabit.

He looked out the doorway of his aravel and saw the sun setting across the tree tops. He was surprised, he had been in the Fade longer than he realized. He went back to what Fenara had said to him. He could either be great for Shiloh or terrible. He knew which one he wanted to be but that didn't meant he would get his choice. Had it been a year ago, he would have known easier to know. He would have answered confidently that he was the best thing for her and she the best for him.

A voice calling his name pulled him from his recollections. He opened his eyes to see Shiloh standing in the middle of his aravel.

Shiloh sat down next to him on the bed. "You must have been somewhere deep. Took me three times calling your name before you looked up."

"I apologize, I let myself wander the Fade and you caught me when I was trying to figure out something a spirit had said to me." Solas answered and looked at Shiloh.

"Anything I can do to help?" Shiloh asked with a smile.

"I do not think so. I apologize again but telling you what was said would only lead to more questions." Solas cast his gaze at the floor.

"I understand." Shiloh stood up, causing Solas to move his gaze to her. "I came to tell you that I'll be departing for Skyhold tomorrow and you're coming with me."

"I am?" Solas heard himself asking.

"Yes, I want to hear your story. If you were with the Inquisition before Corypheus fell I need to know why I don't remember you and a great start would be knowing what forced us apart. Then to know why I should care that you left I need to know what you did as part of the Inquisition before you left." Shiloh said. "I can take you as my prisoner if it would help but I'd really rather avoid that." she smiled

Solas returned her smile. "That is not necessary, I will come willingly and tell you what you wish to know."

"That's great! I will come for you tomorrow morning and we will depart." Shiloh started to back out the door but Solas called for her to wait, he stood from the bed and strode close to her. He smiled as she looked at him with questions in her eyes.

He sighed and looked away. "Thank you for your understanding. I do not imagine your companions back at Skyhold will hold the same feeling."

"You are welcome, Solas." She smiled and walked out.

Solas kicked the side of the cot which only succeeded in making his toes sore but her gaze had made him chicken out again. He could have told her everything right then and either been on his way or gone back with her. He had looked into her eyes and still found himself unable to watch those eyes directed at him darken in hatred.

He spent the night in a fitful sleep, he feared what would happen when he told her his tale. He wasn't sure how to tell her that they had been close. He had barely managed to tell her last time and then he knew that she loved him, now it was more difficult because she didn't look at him the same way.

He woke the next day and was surprised to see sunlight filtering between the animal skin that served as his door. He had not thought he had slept so long. He sat up and pulled his shirt on from where he had left it folded on the table to previous night. He stood up and grabbed his staff and backpack before he walked out of the aravel to see Shiloh tacking up a white mare. The mares eyes were a deep black and she regarded him with intelligence. Shiloh finished tightening the straps before moving to her own chestnut and checking the tack.

"I did not think that the Dalish kept horses. Don't you normally use Halla?" Solas asked as he pet the mares muzzle.

"We do, I stopped by Master Dennet's farm. He was only too happy to let me have an extra horse after the business he's gotten from being part of the Inquisition." Shiloh explained.

"I see, I am glad you two remain on good terms." Solas smiled at her as he continued to stroke the mare.

"Yes, he has been a good friend." Shiloh answered. "I must see the Keeper, if you could take Na'mara and Dallen to the edge of the camp I will meet you presently."

Solas nodded and took the reigns for the two mounts. He led them slowly through the maze of aravels and wagons to a clearing just beyond the perimeter of the camp. He sighed as he realized the questions he would soon be answering but he knew that leaving was not an option. He wondered again about how he would explain how close they were but then decided that he wouldn't. Or at least he wouldn't unless they became close again.

Shiloh joined him not long after. They mounted their horses and he and Shiloh rode side by side. They rode in silence until they had crossed into the mountains. They stopped for lunch then and that's when she started asking him questions. It was all stuff about before. His role in foiling and killing Corypheus.

He told her of coming to the Inquisition and meeting her. He told her of being there for every part of stopping Corypheus, from saving Empress Celene to exiling the Wardens from Orlais until Corypheus fell. He told her of the small things too such as helping her gather shards from the ocularii and helping her solve the astrariums. He edited out all the intimate moments even as he saw them form and he wanted so bad to tell her of those moments as well.

"Sounds as if you were quite instrumental." Shiloh smiled.

"Indeed, I was." Solas returned her smiled

"I wish I knew why I can recall that entire time at least as well as you have except you." Shiloh let out a frustrated sigh. "I have racked my brain, trying anything and I think I almost remember something about a forest or a glade. I know I'm there with someone but I can never quite see him clearly like trying to identify someone from a great distance. That is all that I recall."

"We will find out what happened. I will make sure of it." Solas vowed and placed his hand on her shoulder.

Shiloh felt a light blush start to heat her face but she was able to mask it quickly. "Come, it is time for us keep going. Skyhold awaits."

Solas stood up then and offered his hand and helped Shiloh to her feet. They each mounted their respective horses and continued on their course.

Skyhold came into view later that day and an hour later they were riding up to the gate.

"It's the Inquisitor! Raise the gates!" One of the guards above called and the creaking of the gate opening echoed across the ravine.

Shiloh and Solas rode to the stables and left their horses with the stable hands.

"Inquisitor, I have a report here for-" Cullen stopped mid-sentence when he saw her companion. "What the hell are you doing back?! How could you possibly think it's ok after the crap you pulled last time?!" He shouted pointing an accusing finger at Solas.

Shiloh placed her hand on Cullens chest, "He is here as a guest of mine and I will not hear more of this from you. Now what is this report you're speaking of?" she said in a stern voice.

Cullen threw one last death glare at Solas then looked at Shiloh. "I won't speak with him nearby."

"Then we'll go speak in your office." Shiloh said then turned to Solas. "Solas, I will talk to you later. Why don't you go and take whatever quarters you had before."

Solas shrugged and walked away, he climbed the stairs into the keep and went into the rotunda with the murals he had painted. He noted that the place had been virtually untouched - except sheets now covered the furniture - and he wasn't sure if he should feel hurt by that or touched. He pulled the sheets off his table and the couch along the wall. He had started sorting through the papers left on the desk when he heard someone come in, thinking it was Shiloh he turned around. He was surprised to see Leliana standing there in shock.

"You….Have you returned?" She asked

"Yes, I rode in with Shiloh not long ago." Solas answered. "Strange thing happened though, she doesn't seem to remember me. She remembers everything from the explosion at the Conclave to Corypheus except that I was a part of it."

"And you want me to tell you why." Leliana reasoned and she leaned against the wall when he nodded. "Cole offered to make her forget you and she obviously accepted."

"How could you have possibly allowed that to happen?! You're supposed to be her friend and you just let her forget?!" Rage boiled in his blood and he was surprised that Leliana could not see the wolf prowling in front of her.

"Do not presume to judge me, Solas. You had left and you didn't even have the decency to say goodbye. You didn't see what had become of her." Leliana said as she walked toward him.

"So you just let Cole do this?" Solas asked, his rage cooling little.

"I don't support what Cole did but I understand why. By the time six months had passed, Shy had stopped eating, she wouldn't come near the keep. She was wasting away and you were no where to be found. All she needed was to read your name and she'd start cutting herself or crying or…" Leliana let her voice trail off. "She was dying, Solas, if this was the only way to save her then as much as I don't like it at least she still lives."

"What are we to do then, now that I've returned?" Solas asked.

"I do not know. I don't think that Cole can restore her memories." Leliana answered.

Solas sighed and leaned against the table behind him. "I had hoped that perhaps she would move on but not like this. I know this is my fault but I do not know what to do. I love her much more than I ever thought I would and leaving her was the hardest thing I had ever done but it was very hard to look at her and know that no matter what I say as far as she is concerned we've barely met."

"Solas, I cannot change the past but if you have truly returned and aren't going to leave again then I can show you where Cole is and you can ask him about returning her memories. What I want to know is what will you do if it is impossible for her to remember you?"

"I won't leave, I can't. Last time nearly killed the both of us. Even if my leaving would not affect her the same way it did last time, it would spell the end for me. I would stay, perhaps we could be together again even without her memories." Solas said with affirmation.

Leliana's expression softened. "Cole now spends his time in the infirmary helping the sick and wounded."


End file.
